


What You Wanted

by Efyor



Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Blood and Gold, Madness, Manipulation, Other, Writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 18:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20934914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Efyor/pseuds/Efyor
Summary: ‘A short about an alternative take on the publication of Blood and Gold’





	What You Wanted

Silence was the key to their companionship. Without it, they would surely drive each other crazy. Two grown men out of completely different worlds, brought together by multiple collisions of those said times. The fall of his Queen. Armand’s attempted suicide. Too much they did not want to talk about because they both could not grasp it’s earth-shattering effects. But silence they both understood. It had become their language. It had become their code.

But the silence that was in the house right now, was that of absence and Marius was quickly growing weary of it. Looking out through the window of his favourite study, Marius wondered where Daniel was. Almost hoping he was in trouble. Almost hoping he needed to find him again. But it was quiet on the other end of the telepathic line and as this had happened more and more often, Marius knew what it meant. He should be glad for the other. But he simply could not stand to be alone.

Daniel’s absences had grown gradually longer with every time he went away. First a night, a few nights- quickly growing into weeks and often periods longer than he stayed at home. Everything was alright, Marius knew by keeping an eye and ear open at all times, but it had been almost two months now and he suddenly figured quite plainly it was unnecessary to call the other home… or to check up on him in hopes of needed aid… The answer was simple. To kindly send an invitation. He knew Daniel would not be too far away. He loved San Francisco. And so he reconnected to the ever existing web of telepathic threads between their kind, finding Daniel’s and asking him to visit.

•

Daniel entered without making a sound. He seemed not to be doing it deliberately, though. The way he moved seemed natural and automatic, as if- over great amounts of time- he had grown used to moving through sceneries and shadows without wanting to be noticed.

He was tall as well, only about an inch shorter than the other, and they had more in common. Blonde hair, although Marius’ was long and fairer. And features that were beautifully masculine- not like most of the young, androgynous brothers of their kind. Their clothes, however, could not have been more different.  
Where Marius looked well-groomed and almost regal in his rich brown, woolen trousers and red velvet coat, Daniel did not seem to care much for status- easily able to afford hundreds of expensive Armani suits, but wearing dusty, faded jeansthat were torn at the knees and a simple, black V-neck shirt that sported disturbing, dark stains of old blood.

Marius looked at the other man’s reflection in the window, who stopped in front of the desk and waited silently for Marius to turn. Daniel’s quiet was not one of patience but of a million absent thoughts. A certain disconnection which recovered itself every time the man’s violet eyes fixed on something new and seemed to slip away again when the focus lasted too long. None of this alarmed Marius, having been the number one witness for years in which it had been far worse- knowing these trauma’s were remnants of something that had passed and had- and still would- grow less severe over time.  
Marius turned and gave Daniel a calm nod of greeting, his voice deep but friendly as he spoke.  
“It is good to see you, Daniel. How have you been?”  
“I have been keeping myself busy.” Daniel answered, more life dancing into his expression although his voice was timid.  
“You have always been good at that.” Marius answered, that being the one thing he found most intriguing about the derelict before him. That Daniel always found a way to push through, as if quitting was not an option. And what fascinated Marius most about this was that Daniel didn’t even seem to realise that that was a valuable trade. He didn’t take pride in his bravery, carrying with him a blind humbleness which was, to Marius, most likable about him.

It was when Daniel’s hands moved, that Marius realised he was holding something under his arm. After protruding it, Daniel placed it onto the desk. It was a big pile of paper, bound together with rope that was tied through two puncture holes that ran all the way through the stack at one side. The first sheet was empty, but Marius detected the scent of freshly printed ink. He showed a calm smile.  
“You spent your time away writing. Such a comfort.” Marius said pleasantly, but with actual relief detectible in his voice. Although most of the time Daniel had spent here obsessively working on his miniatures and landscapes, he could be rash and thoughtless when it came to hunting or simply being out alone. No sign of trouble had reached him the previous few weeks of Daniel’s absence, which was the only reason Marius had not called him back or sought him out to bring him home like many times before. To see now Daniel had been working hard on something else than his miniatures was a good sign. He was truly showing progress and this made Marius feel at ease despite the loneliness.

Daniel seemed to be observing Marius, searching for more of a reaction, but none came. Then he cast a glance at the stack of paper, making a nudge with his head as indication to read it. With this he pulled Marius out of his little moment of thoughts and the elder then moved his marble hand onto the pile as white as his own skin. He folded the first page away to reveal another blank one, except for the title printed in a modest font in the middle of the page. ’Blood and Gold’

Marius cast a quick glance at his company for permission to read more and got another allowing nod towards the pile. He flipped to a random page and even though none had said anything for a while, the silence in the room suddenly seemed to thicken. With tied attention Marius flipped to another page further in the bundle and another and another, until after reading some of the last three pages, he let it fall closed again and looked at Daniel in silence- his face void of any expression. Before him lay his own life story. A biography of over two-thousand and fifty years, piled on less than a hundred square inches of mahogany desk. How… bizarre.

As always, these expressions of Marius which easily unnerved or scared others, left Daniel unmoved. The blonde just kept searching the elder’s stone-like face for a reaction, but knew now none would show. This made him exhale a breath with a shake of his head. Unbelievable. And yet- he had expected this. And so Daniel’s voice was sharp and testing as he spoke.  
“It’s what you wanted, right?”  
Again, Marius did not show any sign of reaction. This didn’t stop Daniel. He knew the drill. Marius was one for fair warnings and Daniel was one for fair abuse of such characteristics.  
“That was really clever,” he continued- though meaning it, not truly making it sound like a compliment. “Telling a stranger instead of me. That would have been too obvious.”  
All this time Daniel’s violet eyes stayed glued on Marius, who remained completely calm- too calm for a person that would not in a way had seen this coming. And again Daniel let out an incredulous sound.  
“How typically you…” he continued “So cunning and yet so transparent. Is that why you took me in? Because you knew somewhere deep down there was still a writer inside me?”  
Marius gave reaction now, his chin slightly raising before he spoke.  
“You know that is not so, Daniel. This-” his fingertips perched on the typoscript, “Is beyond I ever judged you capable of. Would I have known, I would have stopped you.”  
“And so you orchestrated it so you didn’t have to stop me.” Daniel concluded. “To fill a writers head with a story no fiction author could come up with, nor leave neglected and forgotten once it’s there. It’s like you finding Armand and the paint wanting him. Inevitable. Inescapable. Like poison.”

It was as much Daniel’s censor-less speech as his actual regain of it that had Marius quite abashed, as quickly as he could trying to regain his grasp on the situation. Intended or not- this confrontation was as intriguing as it was upsetting. So this was it. Marius, meet the real Daniel… who continued his rant ceaselessly.  
“But it’s always been like that with you. You mean well but your ways to achieve something are often harsh- selfish.” he shrugged. “And yet everybody loves you. Why? Because it always turns out that way.” Daniel’s voice grew sharper. “And you know that. And so you can hide behind it. Like you can now say you 'cured me’ by making me do something else than painting rooftops and plastic engines. Even though you used me for it. And like all the others, I won’t truly hate you for it because you’re goddamn right. Because I do feel better. And I do feel like I’m recovering. Damn you.”  
Marius’ hand lifted off the typoscript to give Daniel a gesture to calm down. The young vampire was lucky that many things kept Marius from reprimanding him the hard way, or else he would have asked for it many a time, including now.  
“What are you saying, Daniel?” Marius said distinctly- both in warning for his abrasiveness and yet throwing out a rope for Daniel to hold onto and get him to say what he truly wanted to say. It was not unthinkble for Daniel to get lost in his words as much as in his head or when venturing out. The young vampire had not spoken this much for years and Marius knew this moment was crucial for his recovery- forcing himself to endure this audacity Daniel had so full automatically inherited from his time.  
“That you will never change!” Daniel started, but again receiving that hand gesture to stay calm. Daniel breathed in almost impatiently but gave himself some time to cool off all the same.  
“What I’m saying,” he continued, but a lot calmer “Is that you play this part of being broken and defeated at last by depression. You let these times get you down as if you haven’t been through worse. So you screwed up with Sybelle and the little guy. Big deal. Yeah, Armand is pissed off, but he has worse things to be angry at you for and yet he comes by.”  
“Daniel.” Marius started, this time his voice carrying warning because he was overstepping his freedom of speech. But technically this was only the first real warning and so Daniel pushed through.  
“So Santino is dead. It’s what you wanted! Feeling guilt-”  
“That’s enough.” Marius’ voice was stern and powerful now. Intimidating. These subjects so sensitive were not Daniel’s to toss around so carelessly.

There was a tension between the two blondes for a moment, both their expressions demanding more attention than the room could provide.  
“What I’m trying to say is…” Daniel bravely tried yet again after a few long seconds- but quietly, the next words chosen carefully to balance on the seesaw of Marius’ ever shifting moods. “You overcome everything, Marius. If there’s one thing I learned from this-” he gave the typoscript a glance. “it’s that. You gave people hope. And all those people are still around. I might not fall for it, but they see through it and look up to you. 'The great Marius’ can’t survive the fire, heart-wrenching losses and the downfall of Kingdoms to then be defeated by the slightly harsh eighties and nineties. It’s uncharacteristic and anti-climax. And the way I see it, you’re sick and tired of being depressed.”

The eye contact between the two never wavered and while Marius’ stern expression seemed to slightly falter under the realising weight that Daniel’s words were actually very kind, Daniel’s own expression suddenly turned into a weary smile.  
“And that’s why you did it, didn’t you…?” Daniel asked quietly. “You don’t need me to remind you of your disturbing optimism. Your own story did that well enough.”  
Marius did not comment on it but just looked at Daniel with a new-found intrigue, yet forever wondering if he liked Armand’s unhinged fledgling or not. He often believed they were too different to truly get along. Daniel had this obnoxious way about him, as if daring the whole world to judge him. Only to tell them all he could not care less of what they thought of him. But then there was this simple and brutally honest side that through his rudeness made him company that would never show a sign of deceit or clandestine. They would never be real friends- the judgement and ties were too heavy for that. To think of him as a brother was more logical.

And as if that bond whispered in his ear to miss him, Marius slowly realised this was a goodbye. They had only occasionally communicated with each other through words, barely with thoughts, but mostly with silence. Daniel was saying his last share of words which he never before could give voice to. And so this was goodbye without it actually being said.

Daniel hooked his fingers under the typoscript and picked it off the desk when Marius circled it and walked with him towards the door. There they stopped and Marius spoke in that loving, calm voice.  
“You must forgive me, Daniel, for remaining to watch your moves. You yet have to prove you can do this on your own.”  
Daniel gave him an almost hurt glance, but knew very well what Marius meant. This was the last time for Daniel he would give it a name, but he knew the damage of the insanity would not go just because he wanted it to. He did not say anything.  
“I have a responsibility.” Marius added gently, as if to sooth any caused pain of his verdict.  
But Daniel smiled wearily, slightly shaking his head.  
“No, you don’t.” he said boldly. “You only like to think you do. If I were to go rogue- and I know that’s what you fear- you won’t be the one finishing me off. You can’t. Because of Ar-”  
“Say no more.” Marius cut him off. “My responsibility is-”  
But Daniel cut him off now. “-As strong an illusion as my sanity.”  
Marius’ eye gave a small twitch as he gave Daniel yet another warning look. The young one was pushing it and was in Marius’ opinion enjoying it too much. The elder was losing his earlier determined stamina to put up with it.  
“No- really, Marius,” Daniel dared, violet meeting icy blue. “I mean no offense where you think I do. Will you hear me out?”

For the longest time Marius observed the other, piercing through the mind barrier which he rather didn’t- the images disturbing and the chaos of it frightening. But he found no ill will in the tumult. Not towards him. He regained his mental promise. He nodded.  
“Don’t you see…” Daniel said then, subtly turning the tone a little less accusatory. “We’re all, at some aspect, completely derailed. How can we not? We witnessed ourselves die. That does something to a person. It’s not murder that drives us crazy. It’s the trauma of our own death.”  
Here Marius could not agree with this theory. The subject was too broad and too personal to all be placed on one pile. Even Daniel’s own derailment had nothing to do with his death… but with Armand’s choice to embrace his. But Marius did not speak. Daniel needed his own convictions for now to believe in. Even if they were faulty.  
“Your optimism is your insanity.” Daniel continued. “And it’s your insanity that gives the others a mentor. Don’t let them stray because you don’t rhyme with this day and age. Armand still lives. Pandora is around. Surely your Bianca is still somewhere enjoying the freedom you gave her and Lestat needs your voice now more than ever. You have lost nothing.”

There was a pause where Marius let his expression not be hardened but remain tender even though he was about to ask something which had frustrated him to no end over the last couple of years.  
“Why can’t you?” he asked, the patience making the cadence of his voice unrivaled.  
“What? See you as a mentor?” Daniel said with a slight raise of his eyebrow as if it was an unnecessary question. “I’m too old.”  
“Nonsense.”  
“Really? Then who is your mentor?” Daniel instantly reflected, linking the two of them by the simple fact of both passing thirty and having lived too great a deal of a life as a mortal to really being told what to do in immortality.

Marius understood. He did not agree on it when it came to Daniel’s part- who had most willingly let his moves be orchestrated by Armand all the time. Daniel’s strange, unnoticed hypocrisy was what gave Marius the patience to endure him. This man had been greatly disturbed from the start and so for him to believe in his own words was more important than proving him wrong at the risk of shattering his already crumbling foundation. But Marius understood all the same what Daniel was trying to say. Something in common which was an undeniable truth. A mutual understanding between two men to whom childhood and adolescence seemed a million lifetimes ago.  
“I won’t ask your permission to publish it.” Daniel finally said to break the silence they were so used to. It could last for hours if he did not cut it. “But then again- I know you don’t want me to ask you. And on the one condition I won’t talk about it. Fair enough. Let the boys find out themselves your life’s out there on the shelves too. I like it. And yet your hypocrisy is astounding-”  
“That is quite enough, Daniel. If you believe yourself recovered enough for this to be a goodbye, I might not be as forgiving towards your venomous tongue from now on. I like to believe it was part of your trauma.”  
“The ideas you have, Marius.” Daniel repeated his own once spoken words jestingly, to both prove Marius wrong and be safe of any punishment, as he had not received any back then either.  
But to Marius this was not even remotely funny. It terrified him greatly to realise- that Daniel had sustained such a keen consciousness during those years of complete obsession. To be trapped in it. How else could he have remembered every word he and Thorne had spoken, if not having been fully conscious? Such exile… And yet he seemed less effected by it than one would expect. How much further can you break an already broken man…?

So here they stood in silence. And with knowing this was another chapter of his own life closing and suddenly feeling this heart-breaking affection for the vagabond before him, Marius cupped Daniel’s face and kissed his forehead. Daniel let him. This was as much Marius’ habit as it was his own to light a cigarette. Then, when Marius’ hands had slipped down to Daniel’s shoulders, squeezed them gently and let go, Daniel turned to leave. But when he was out the door, he turned one more time and looked at Marius with a sudden fragility that was rarely seen there. The words coming with it came with difficulty and yet the determination to have them out was evident.  
“And thank you, Marius… For saving my life.” Daniel said softly, recalling a particularly dreadful night where the madness had almost cost him his life. He had fallen into slumber in one of the many rooms with the curtains still open. Morning had come and he had been lucky Marius was home at that point to hear his cry of pain.  
“It’s not in here.” Daniel nudged the typoscript under his arm. “I wouldn’t be able to live with the shame.”

Marius stayed wisely quiet, as he had done with every reference tonight that might indicate he had intended Daniel to write down his life story. Instead, he sent Daniel quiet, mental comfort on the matter. They were the only ones who knew about this. How he had come to Daniels aid, forced the curtains shut and had given him his blood to heal.

Through silence he let Daniel now know it would stay between them. There was a short moment of understanding and calm before the younger one turned away and left. Silence had become their code…  
For surely… They could both keep a secret.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before Anne Rice suddenly decided it was written by David Talbot. I still stand by this alternative, because it makes to sense why David would have written this, because he was not there. Daniel was.


End file.
